95. free mozzarella cheese is happy money
i haven't ejaculated in 11 days, which feels like 11 weeks. i guess i've been whacking away quite a bit this year. or maybe it's that these past 11 days have felt tremendously and modestly... clear. i don't know if that's the word i'm looking for, but it's the word that's on the page now.
today is that kind of day. it's the kind of day when i saw beauty. i felt beauty. right in front of me, before me, and through me. between me. beauty in a face, beauty in a figure, beauty in an expression, beauty in a dance, beauty in a conversation, beauty in a taste, beauty in a smile, beauty in a moment, beauty in a fleeting, transformative whirling wind of a moment. just like that she's gone.
today is that kind of day. when there's an unusually long line of four people behind me at the corner grocery store and Yaya misses my soft tofu and shredded mozzarella cheese. he mistakenly includes it in the next man's bulk. a man with a silver stud and a tat on his neck tells the two of us he's got it. i can tell yaya and i are both confused, taken aback. he repeats himself. it's just that kind of day, he says.
today is that kind of day. the kind of day that passes by when you're on a mission, but in the moment it's all so... clear. my role, my work, my choices, my little inklings for gargantuan dreams.
today is the kind of day when you're still alone, trekking the mountain, climbing down, watching your step. and yet you realize you're not entirely. there's people around you, objects we've made and tools we use, gifts we offer and places we find.
the end is so near.