20. holic
i'm a workaholic. i'm an alcoholic. i'm a lovaholic. i'm a catha-holic (ok i just wanted to make a pun with catholic). i'm every kind of holic you can think of. i'll grovel to prove it to you.
so where does that leave me? fuck if i know. i just feel desperate sometimes. you know that feeling? when there's just something sitting there, heavily, at the pit of your chest? this is just my answer to the world. for better or for worse. i'm not going to try to change that. or maybe i will in the future. maybe it becomes a serious problem and i realize that. who knows. but i have a feeling this is just baked into who i am. take it or leave it.
how am i doing? i hate that question. i'll ignore it every time if i could. ask me a better question.
i know the question isn't terrible. it's just that sometimes i feel terrible. sometimes i feel just, fucking, absolutely, moronically terrible. i just can't seem to get myself out of this monster truck of a funk. for something so insignificant. i'd do all the right things to get push through. eat right. sweat. stretch. shower. apply lotion. breathe. and still i feel one step behind life.
you want to know the secret to happiness? just keep pretending you are someone you want to be, keep pretending you are this happy person you are, doing happy things that make you happy, and then eventually one day you'll wake up and you'll forget you're pretending.
forgetting is normal.
sometimes i feel damned. i feel cursed.
curses are blessings in disguise. blessings that burn. blessings that burn light up your body, your heart, your soul. blessings that burn are dangerous, you gotta watch out.
i gotta watch out.
i'm a fucking workaholic. i'm an alcoholic. i'm a lovaholic. i'm every kind of holic you can think of. i'm ugly and i'm proud.
wanduffle