6. why why why?
WHY do i like the sound of 80s Japanese city pop? Why do I feel comfort when she sings, "stay with meeeee?"
WHY do i watch videos of a resident doctor's day in the life on an anesthesia ICU shift? Why do i stay to watch the full video? do i want to see that for myself? am i watching that to see a sneak peak of what my life could become? is it a warning i'm looking to give myself?
WHY do i love to stick sticky notes to metal surfaces? why do i love ripping one apart after i check everything off?
WHY do i reach for the glass of chardonnay i poured myself again, and again, and again for another time? the bottle is not asking to be opened again, yet i hear her. why do i love the feeling of being intoxicated, inebriated, let loose?
WHY do i want monday to stay forever? for tuesday to never come? i don't want tuesday to come. i don't want tomorrow to come. i just want to live in today, tonight, forever. just one long day forever and ever, amen.
WHY do i regret the compliments i give? "i love your laugh." "your presence makes me feel warm and strong." what's wrong with that? why does it feel so wrong? why do i feel wrong for saying something so good? what is it about saying something that could be "wrong," according to my judgement of what i should have said (or what i WISH i would have said)?
WHY is the sky blue? why don't i want to look for the answer online, just a quick google search and an even quicker answer from chat-gpt for satisfaction? i want to come up with as many answers as possible, no matter how many of them may be wrong. who's to say they're wrong?
WHY do i feel guilt? why do i feel shame? why do i feel pride? why do i feel lame? why do i feel lucky? why do i feel happy? when do i feel reward?
WHY do i feel at home here in the inner sunset of san francisco? why do i want to host my friends here at home?
WHY do i want to go to therapy? why do i seek a therapist?
WHY do i want to become a doctor? why do i want to become an actor? why do i want to become a writer?
WHY do i write blogs? why does this make me happy, even for the briefest of moments?
WHY do i ask why? why can't i stop? why do i want to keep going? why do i wake up tomorrow with another question to ask? why can't i turn off? why do i want to stay on? why am i scared of the answer?
wanduffle